Why Fanfiction Scares Me

Content warning: this essay focuses on depictions of sex in fanfiction, and as such refers to topics such as kink, fetish, BDSM and various sex acts.

There’s a lot of debate about how much fan works can impact on people’s perceptions of the world, especially in regards to sex and violence. For those of us who consume a lot of fanfiction, on a par with the amount of professionally produced media we read or watch, I think there definitely is an argument to be made for those works influencing us. Certainly, there are sex acts I first learned about in fanfiction. I know it’s not the sole source of sex education for anyone, but when it comes to learning about the…shall we call it, ‘fun’ side of sex rather than the basic biology and ‘what goes where’, for a lot of young people, it’s an eye-opener if nothing else.

Transformative works can be a great opportunity for readers and writers alike to explore sexuality and relationships in a safe way that is mostly about hypotheticals and fantasies. Reading or writing about a particular relationship dynamic or act can allow someone to test it out alone and in relative safety, to decide if it appeals.

At the same time, though, I think fanfiction should be regarded in much the same way as any other erotica or pornography, and that means careful consideration of its effects on both readers and writers when consumed regularly or in large quantities. Especially when it comes to depictions of unusual or ‘non-vanilla’ acts, i.e. kinks and fetishes.

Please bear in mind that I have absolutely no objection to either kink or fetish play between consenting adults, or accurate depictions of such in media (including fan works). What concerns me is the growing trend in fanfiction for including kink and fetish as a standard, expected part of adult relationships. Particularly when these depictions are unresearched (and therefore lacking awareness of the full implications) or are present because fandom has replicated the idea that kink, power-play, humiliation and violence are the standard for adult relationships.

For the purposes of this essay, I’m defining ‘kink’ and ‘fetish’ thusly:

  • Kink – an ostensibly non-sexual thing that someone finds arousing, e.g. wearing a particular fabric or shoe, using particular language, non-sexual acts such as urination or eating, or non-sexual objects such as knives  or guns.
  • Fetish – when a kink becomes either a necessary part of sex (the person cannot become aroused or climax without it) or it replaces sex altogether.

I’ve mentioned, in other posts here, that smut-fics aren’t something that I especially seek out when reading fanfiction, but I have over the past twenty years read a substantial amount of fanfiction, much of which featured sex scenes. This increasing trend for the ‘standardisation’ of kink, fetish and BDSM (I’m reluctant to use the word ‘normalisation’ because normal is subjective and has connotations of acceptability and ‘good vs. bad’ which I don’t agree with) is something that I’ve noticed happening over the course of several years. I can’t say for certain either when it started or the exact moment that I first noticed it, but the fanfiction landscape certainly feels different than it did ten years ago.

It started relatively small, with a noticeable number of stories featuring the use of sex toys, by both couples and individuals for solo play. Now, again I need to reiterate that I have no objection to sex toys and don’t see their use as anything unusual or bad. But what I noticed was a tendency to write about sex toys as a standard – the idea that all queer couples owned and used sex toys regularly, that single queer people always owned a collection of dildoes, plugs and vibrators, or (most startlingly) that teenage queer characters bought and used sex toys. This was why I first really started to think about how some writers replicated ideas about sex based on media consumption rather than personal experience; the idea of someone still in school being able to buy sex toys, when they would not be able to enter a sex shop and would be unlikely to have a debit or credit card to make online purchases that would go unnoticed by their family. Also, sex toys are pretty expensive! Few school-age people would be able to afford the collections that some characters are given in fics. There was never any mention of toy care or cleaning, and I often encountered stories which featured characters imitating fellatio on toys for personal pleasure, which seemed odd.

Not that all depictions of sex should be realistic; I just find noticable lack of realism pulls me out of a story and makes me stop to question if the writer really knows what they’re writing about, and why they chose to include something. Were writers using these tropes because they genuinely enjoyed them, or because they had ‘learned’ what was sexy from their own media consumption and were replicating what other writers did?

From there, I started noticing a trend for writing sex scenes that included spanking. I understand the enjoyment of pain-play as a means of varying sensations during sex, but it’s never presented that way. It’s almost always written as a spontaneous act without a request for consent. It’s often accompanied by either violent or degrading language, and not once have I ever read a fic where someone spanks their partner and the act is questioned or rejected. It’s become standardised, as though it’s something all sex-partners do as a matter of course.

Scenes where a character ejaculates on their partner’s face are equally common. It feels like it’s an act that’s been replicated, without thought, from straight pornography; as if people have assumed that, if it’s in porn, it must be sexy. Admittedly, I’m writing this from the perspective of an asexual person, but even then, I’ve heard enough allosexual friends complain about eyes stinging from badly aimed ejaculate and absolutely zero real people talk about how much they want their partner to come on their face (did you know you can contract STIs from getting semen in your eye?). Do people actually enjoy getting their partner’s bodily fluids on their face? I feel like it’s an act that’s included because of an assumption that it’s viewed as sexy, rather than because so many writers actually enjoy it in real life. After all, so many anime fans feel uneasy about images of the act’s aftermath on ahegao shirts. What pleasure would the fictional ejaculater get from seeing their bodily fluids on their partner’s face? Quite often, these scenes include language suggesting the ejaculater enjoys seeing their partner ‘dirty’ or ‘messed up’, implying an enjoyment of degradation and humiliation.

There’s also been a noticeable rise in the number of stories tagged with ‘daddy kink’, where characters engage in a Sub/dom relationship with elements of age-play and incestuous role-play. Some of these stories feature caring relationships, while some see the kink come out during sex, with little prior negotiation or aftercare. There’s often a hint of a power-imbalance, and occasional moments of ‘punishment’, usually spanking.

This inclusion of kinks in fanfiction, in itself, isn’t necessarily a problem (a concern, definitely, but it’s not one unique to fanfiction). After all, most of us feel fairly secure in knowing the difference between fiction and reality. Although I find it telling that there is a lack of knowledge and awareness of the subject, easily seen in the number of writers who confuse kink and fetish, and who assume that all fetish play is done with the goal of sexual climax, which is not the case for many real life fetishists. 

What concerns me more is the recent prevalence for including more dangerous acts in a way that presents them as a common and expected part of sexual relationships. Acts such as choking (sometimes called ‘breath play’), bondage, or verbal humiliation, which create a power imbalance but are often written in without characters discussing the act or seeking consent. They sit alongside an increase in fics which depict other taboos such as incest, or adults in sexual relationships with minors, and sometimes it’s difficult to establish the line between ‘exploring boundaries’ and ‘fetishising or normalising illegal acts’. Some things are taboo for very good reasons.

Again, this by itself is not the entirety of the issue; fictional sex is not real sex, and there is nothing wrong with glossing over the unglamorous aspects of sex to make the prose more titilating. But, having worked with teenagers and taught sex ed in schools, I know first hand that young people gather as muc, if not more information from their peers and other informal sources than from anyone trained to teach honest and factual sex ed. Where might one learn, for example, about the importance of cleaning prior to analingus, which I think I’ve seen precisely once in fic – I cringe (and sometimes even close the tab) if characters jump straight to eating ass without caring to wash first.

The choking stories are the ones that worry me the most. They almost always happen spontaneously, without prior discussion, and without any indication that characters are concerned for each other’s safety. They also don’t make any attempt to describe how the submissive partner actually feels during the act, or why they enjoy it (whether it’s the physical sensations or the power-play that prompts the act). This is what makes me think that these writers are replicating other people’s ideas of ‘sexy’ rather than writing their own personal fantasies or fantasies appropriate to the characters.

This is not fandom’s fault; fandom is not responsible for educating anyone. But without reliable and healthy education at timely points in their lives, I can’t help wondering how many young people are learning about the fun and romantic aspects of sex from fanfiction and seeing these acts as standard and expected? We already know that young people often encounter pornography before their first sexual encounters, and that seeing violent or mysoginstic acts in porn can affect how young people feel they should behave in sexual situations.

I don’t intend to imply blame on the part of any fanfiction writer, or expect anyone to change what they write; so many writers will themselves simply be reproducing what fandom has told them is sexy in order to figure out whether they really do like those things, just as some young people (and adults) experiment with things they have seen in porgography.

It’s concerning, though, especially when considered against recent cases of alleged ‘sex games gone wrong’ in which women have been choked by their partners during sex, and have actually died as a result. This piece from The Guardian poses the question: why are potentially dangerous sex acts becoming more commonplace? One only has to look at mainstream media’s changing attitudes to sex and relationship roles; we still have music videos where men spank the behinds of half-naked women as a show of power and domincance, placing the women alongside their material posessions like cars and jewellery. 

We know that there are trends when it comes to sex. ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey (not only initially a transformative work, but also one with an infamously inaccurate portrayal of BDSM) inspired not just a slew of copycat novels, but also a push on a toned-down, marketable version of BDSM, with fluffy handcuffs, blindfolds and riding crops making their way into high street shops like Ann Summers, typically seen as the giggly, girly, non-threatening side of sex. In just a few months, BDSM was suddenly something that all couples were supposed to try, to stave off bedroom boredom and avoid the dreaded ‘vanilla’ label, as though regular romantic sex wasn’t enough anymore. Every newspaper and glossy magazine ran articles about introducing BDSM into the bedroom. ‘The Office’ featured a (brief) scene with a character becoming aroused listening to a FSOG audio book while at work. What once was a topic kept for bedrooms and age-restricted parts of the Internet was suddenly on prime time TV, on the high street, and in our daily newspapers.

Equally, fanfiction has trends, both in formats and in topics and themes. I remember fandom before A/B/O stories were a thing. When most m/m scenes started with frotting instead of jumping straight to anal. I’d never heard of intercrural sex until it became a fanfic fad a few years back.

So what does it mean if more and more fan writers are including dangerous or violent acts in their work? Honestly, I can’t say. I don’t have the research or statistics. I can only comment on current feelings in the fandom culture. As an older fan who’s been around for a while and seen a lot of trends come and go, it feels like  young writers replicate what they’ve seen and read, both in fandoms and other media, in order to make their work appeal to readers filtering by particular tags or seeking out specific kinks. And it feels like fandom depictions of sex are becoming more like imitations of straight porn and other provocative media made for men. There’s more emphasis on penetrative sex in slash fiction instead of things like frottage, mutual masturbation or oral. There’s more degradation in acts like verbal humiliation and ejaculating on faces. More demeaning language, and men referring to each other as ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’ and ‘bitches’. There’s more violence, in acts like spanking and choking. There is also, and this is the thing I frankly find more confusing, a strange insistence on feminising gay and bi men, dressing gay male characters in lingerie, giving them the role of the omega ‘bitch in heat’, or giving them ‘embarrassing’ hormonal episodes in mpreg fic.

Again, it should be noted here that I have no objections to any men who choose to dress in lingerie, and I see nothing wrong or degrading in typically feminine traits or behaviours. But when female writers put gay or bi men in these roles for the purposes of entertainment, that is crossing the line into fetishisation, a different but equally concerning issues. It also implies a huge misunderstanding of gay men in general, suggesting that writers feel gay men are aroused by the same things straight men are; lacy lingerie, ‘feminine’ posing and behaviour, and submissiveness.

My point here is not to condemn any of this or to suggest a solution. Mostly, I simply want to draw attention to the issue, to this large-scale recycling of other people’s ideas of ‘sexiness’ and the ongoing shift in what constitutes expected or healthy behaviour in sexual relationships.

I do wonder if, perhaps, there is worth in some experienced fic writers making an effort to include more blatant kink negotiation and consent-seeking in our writing (including scenes of boundary-setting). In recent years I’ve seen more writers showcasing condom use in their stories (no dental dams, though!) along with the tag ‘consent is sexy’. How about more stories involving researching kinks, more characters discussing what they do and don’t find sexy, and more depictions of aftercare? I can envisage whole fic events devoted to stories that show kink negotiation and conversations about sex. The question, though, is how well they would be received and how widely their reach would be. I’ve written kink exploration and negotiation myself, and felt those two particular stories were some of the best written and most romantic works I’ve produced. But they received few hits and fewer comments and kudos, despite being centred on a popular pairing. Instead, smut and PWP seem to get the hits and the attention.

So are writers actually reproducing other people’s ideas of eroticism for hits and comments? That might be slightly more reassuring than the possibility that they’re recycling tropes for personal interest, but on the whole, it still all adds to this culture of presenting violence, degradation and lack of consent as part of common, everyday sex. And while this is in no way exclusive to fandom, as stated above, transformative works when consumed regularly or in sufficient quantities can have as much impact on a reader as any other medium. It’s why we push so much for positive representation of marginalised groups in all media; representation matters, whether it’s representation of people or of behaviour.

I have no intention of attempting to censor anyone’s work, or of discouraging people from reading such stories. Rather, I feel somewhat like a time-traveller wondering how a society reached this point, and trying to guess what will come next. Perhaps there will be a push back from kink-positive writers who will produce more works with overt kink negotiation and consent-seeking. Perhaps fandom will just move on to the next trend, whatever that is. Perhaps we’ll see another round of mass account purges of any depictions of sexual violence (not from AO3, where anything goes, but anywhere that hosts art depicting bondage such as shibari, or perhaps those artists and writers will create a new adults-only space for such material)? Who knows?

But it cannot be denied that, just as with professionally produced content (both niche and mainstream), fandom’s attitudes to sex and relationships are ever changing, and what once felt risqué or taboo has now become the standard, to the point that it feels like we’re running out of taboos. I’m always pleased to see a writer taking care to show their characters giving consent and practising safe sex (more dental dams, please!), but if I read one more “choke me, daddy,” I might just have to call it a day.


  1. This is such a well-written post. I completely agree that more fiction should include couples talking about their wants and needs, and even some sexual requests being rejected or negotiated. And yeah, BDSM ins’t something people should just be jumping into without talking, especially risky acts like choking.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your comment! I think there’s a lot of potential for making kink negotiation (or even just couples talking about sex) romantic and a key part of relationships and bonding, and I wish more writers would include such scenes, not just when it comes to things like BDSM.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This was a seriously good discussion of the topic! Even-handed, insightful, and thorough.

    “There was never any mention of toy care or cleaning,”

    Did you ever see the original CSI series on CBS? The first time I ever came across the topic in fiction was in one of their episodes. It involved a dish washer.


    I am not too proud to admit that this is the first time I came across the word, so I had to look it up. Learning has occurred!

    “implying an enjoyment of degradation and humiliation.”

    Maybe it’s coincidental, or maybe the trends are related, but I see some segments of our population (at least in the US) openly embracing humiliation as a tool of statecraft and of relations with other segments of the population. In my experience, the acceptance of humiliation as such a tool in one context seems to green-light it in other situations, too.

    Maybe it’s part of something deeply hard-wired in humans, but I don’t think encouraging it is healthy or safe — to individuals or larger-scale populations.

    “The choking stories are the ones that worry me the most. ”

    This is going to sound like “sure, research!” but I went to kind [dot] com to research behaviors for something I ended up not writing. What struck me as interesting was that they were quite serious about teaching people to practice caution — that trying to simply replicate what they saw in front of the camera could result in injury or worse. I was impressed that they were so up-front and honest about it; looks like that attitude hasn’t translated into fanfic.

    “Mostly, I simply want to draw attention to the issue, to this large-scale recycling of other people’s ideas of ‘sexiness’ and the ongoing shift in what constitutes expected or healthy behaviour in sexual relationships.”

    As I mentioned above, I tend to relate local behaviors to larger societal behaviors. Your question here literally haunts me. Speaking just as a US citizen, where the heck do we go from here? Once destructive behaviors appear to a certain percentage of the citizenry as acceptable, how does one shove the genie back in the bottle?

    “there is worth in some experienced fic writers making an effort to include more blatant kink negotiation and consent-seeking in our writing (including scenes of boundary-setting).”

    It sounds to me like you’re asking for such scenes to be written — gasp! — with more realism. Honestly, shouldn’t that be the goal of any aspiring or established writer? To write scenes, characters, and plots that are realistic?

    I’ve only dabbled in fanfiction, but you’re starting to convince me I should writer more. Not so I can be “I’ll Save You” writer, but just to offer an alternative. I’m to the point in my career where raw popularity is completely uninteresting, so risking a lower level of popularity to achieve a higher level of realism sounds like a good thing to me.

    “So are writers actually reproducing other people’s ideas of eroticism for hits and comments?”

    Honestly, and this probably sounds counter-intuitive, I think this is hugely hopeful. If it’s true, then it means that the biggest problem is that the rewards system is skewed and needs fixed. In other words, the problem isn’t a larger scale societal retrograde motion. It’s just that writers are chasing the current definition of success, which is counted by hits.

    Thanks for such a thoughtful treatment of this topic!


    1. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!

      “In my experience, the acceptance of humiliation as such a tool in one context seems to green-light it in other situations, too.”

      Like so many things, once one person does it publicly, it legitimises it for anyone else who might have been thinking about it. Sometimes for good (posting positive things or pushing negative social boundaries), sometimes for bad (being open about something that really should be kept taboo).

      “It sounds to me like you’re asking for such scenes to be written — gasp! — with more realism. Honestly, shouldn’t that be the goal of any aspiring or established writer? To write scenes, characters, and plots that are realistic?”

      I don’t necessarily have a problem with writers glossing over the messy bits to make something titillating, but I think there’s a difference between purposely skipping the messy bits and doing so out of ignorance. There was a lot about sex I had no idea about until I actually had sex, because nowhere – not sex ed, not films, not books, not fanfiction – ever mentioned them. I think there’s value in honest portrayals of sex – it can be done in a lighthearted way, to show characters being open and real with each other, without making a scene off-putting. The only fic I’ve ever read which included cleaning prior to analingus actually included it as foreplay, which makes me wonder why no one else ever bothers to write it.

      After writing this piece, I’m seriously considering participating in Kinktober with the purpose of writing honest, healthy kink negotiation stuff. I doubt it will get much traction, but I think it makes for a valid writing project.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Re: fanfiction authors copying what other people think is sexy – for a while, after a popular single-strip comic came out talking about one person’s form of consent during bondage and impact play being ‘green, yellow, red’ meaning ‘I like this, not sure if into this, and stop that’, EVERY BDSM fic was like reading traffic signals lmao. I think people, so caught up in the ‘right’ way to present kink and sex in a way that appeals to the most people, are not willing to be vulnerable about writing what appeals to them personally all the way, and simply go for whatever is trendy and making their smutfic pander to ‘socially acceptable kink trends’ of the time.

    I think it would be more productive to everyone to examine -why- something is sexy and write things about that, given that they first start to be willing to show what they personally find sexy rather than bend to trendy kinks. The biggest weakness people on the internet around my age have is oversharing and yet not being genuine about how they really feel about any of it. Like those Relatable Depressed But It’s Still Funny So You Don’t Have To Feel Bad For The Creator comics.
    It’s false intimacy, and I think it comes with all the parasocial relationships we’re used to from being connected yet so far from people online. So when sex fics are just trendy BDSM, blindfolds and spanking or ‘let’s fuck a horny demon version of Popular Character AU’, it makes more sense when you think about the attitudes and validation that prompted the authors to write such things, producing mediocre-at-best smut and less-than-convincing character intimacy. You write what you know – If you’re not being genuine, people can tell, plain and simple.

    Some passionate people are out there, of course. That doesn’t make it any less disappointing when you’re looking for a quality fic and you see whats obviously Like-bait though lmao.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Not gonna lie, I think along with why fanfiction is scary, a think a lot of the reasons you listed above are why I stopped reading fanfic all together. Occasionally, if a particular fanfiction is recommended to me by friends/other bloggers I might give it a peak. I read a few My Hero Academia fics that way surprisingly that weren’t awful.

    It does bother me how much people just write what they think other people find sexy, verses their own material. A lot of my old fanfics that had sex, depicted what I personally, found attractive or craved in real life. Some of it was inspired by porn, other fanfic, but a lot of it was grounded in myself. Which did give me the benefits of exploring sex in that manner. I missed elements of consent, properly caring/cleaning materials, but I also educated myself on that outside my fics. It’s kinda a shame that it’s drifted to this.

    I think a point you mentioned above, about comments/clicks/kudos really rings true. Having a quick pwp, or sexy fic is rather easy to get some views on. I think it points to an issue of a lot of fanfiction writers seem to have which is that they don’t know how to write fanfiction that DOESN’T have sex in it. I use to be part of fandoms where the works were largely non-sexual in nature, and most of the fanfics were similar in that sense of non-sexual stuff. Those stories were creative and compelling just like the original work! I haven’t heard of a fanfiction author as of late that is recommended for non-sexual works. Sure they might write a romance (minus sex) but that’s not the recommended title from them. With the seeming (I haven’t write or wrote in awhile so maybe I’m completely wrong) oversaturation of sexual fanfiction, I would think the person not writing those would be more praised. Alas, I’m probably in the minority camp on that.

    Really appreicate your thoughts on the subject as always!


  5. I find your post super interesting and have had it open in my browser for actual months. Even so, my experience of fanfic has been different, which is only fair, I suppose: these are personal choices, the way we select (or wander around…) the abundant reading material!

    For example, fanfic has been pretty instrumental for me in learning about boundary setting, safe kink and what consent discussions should look like. I do have a tendency to stick by the same authors who explore those topics, so that gives me a reading bias. I have also encountered a lot of stories that explore trauma – in particular, trauma caused by prejudice (it’s a “submissive orientation” thing, which correlates pretty well with sexual orientation and gender both) as well as trauma of a bad sexual experience. Frankly, I wish I could encouter this topic explored in fiction more (cough) (not like it’s personally relevant) (cough), but it is the vaguely taboo streets of fanfic that offer those experiences. In general, reading feels better than certain kinds of visual porn that caters to a very particular idealised straight male viewer!

    I am in no way saying that what you wrote isn’t valid. I’m simply chiming in with different experience. But then, I have very particular preferences and get pretty choosy about stuff I read. I wish there was better sex ed for hopeful fanfic writers out there – hell, I wish emotional management and trauma were topics in school as much as maths and science. Perhaps that’s something to think of if we get to change the world somehow. … 🙂


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